Part Two in a series on Leaders & Language (Part One, Part Three, Part Four)
"The greatest day in your life and mine is when we take total responsibility for our attitudes. That's the day we truly grow up." - John C. Maxwell
Have you ever found yourself frustrated with your team's performance, only to realize that the root of the problem might be staring back at you in the mirror? Welcome to the second transformative language in our journey towards more effective leadership: the language of personal responsibility.
In part one, we explored how to uncover hidden commitments within complaints. Now, we're taking it a step further. It's time to turn the spotlight inward and ask ourselves: "What am I doing, or not doing, to live up to my values and commitments as a leader?"
This shift from external blame to internal reflection isn't just about self-improvement - it's about unlocking the true potential of your entire organization. Let's dive into how you can make this powerful transition.
Imagine Sarah, a marketing director, frustrated with her team's lack of creativity. Her initial reaction might be to blame her team's resistance to change or lack of skills. But when Sarah embraces the language of personal responsibility, she asks herself:
How am I fostering (or stifling) creativity in our meetings?
Am I providing the right resources and environment for creative thinking?
Have I clearly communicated the importance of innovation in our strategy?
By asking these questions, Sarah shifts from blame to being empowered to create change.
Here's a practical tool to guide you through this process, inspired by Kegan and Lahey's work:
State Your Commitment: "I'm committed to fostering a culture of innovation in my team."
Identify Your Actions/Inactions: "I often shoot down new ideas quickly in meetings to save time."
Recognize Competing Commitments: "I'm also committed to meeting short-term deadlines and pleasing upper management."
Uncover Assumptions: "I assume that taking time for creative discussions will harm our productivity."
This four-column approach helps you see the full picture of your role in any challenge. Let's break it down with another example:
Tom, a sales manager, is struggling with his team's transition to consultative selling. Here's how he might use this framework:
Commitment: Building a consultative sales culture
Actions/Inactions: Not aligning compensation with new approach; still rewarding quick closes
Competing Commitments: Desire for immediate results vs. long-term relationship building
Assumptions: The team fully understands and buys into the new approach without ongoing support
By working through this exercise, Tom can see how his own actions and assumptions are impacting his team's ability to change.
So, how can you implement this approach in your leadership?
Schedule regular self-reflection time: Set aside 15 minutes each week to examine a current challenge using the four-column approach.
Create a "responsibility circle" with peers: Meet monthly to share challenges and help each other identify personal contributions to problems.
Model vulnerability with your team: Share your own self-reflections, inviting them to do the same in a safe, non-judgmental environment.
Reframe team discussions: Instead of "Who's to blame?", ask "How have we each contributed to this situation, and what can we do differently?"
Celebrate ownership: Recognize and reward team members who take responsibility for their part in challenges and propose solutions.
Remember, this isn't about taking on undue blame. It's about recognizing our power to influence outcomes. As psychologist Edwin Friedman said,
"We cannot transform what we refuse to confront within ourselves."
By embracing personal responsibility, you're not just changing your leadership style - you're transforming your entire organizational culture. You're creating an environment where accountability thrives, innovation flourishes, and excuses wither away.
So, the next time you face a challenge, resist the urge to point fingers. Instead, look in the mirror and ask, "What's my role in this, and how can I lead the way to a solution?" Your team will follow your example, and together, you'll unlock potential you never knew existed.
Remember, the most powerful changes start with you. Your journey to more effective, transformative leadership begins with that simple shift in perspective. Let's get started - your team, your organization, and your own leadership potential are waiting to be unleashed.
Read Part Three.