The Courage to Stand: Transforming Fear into Love in Everyday Moments
"There are only two emotions: love and fear."
These profound words from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross capture a fundamental truth about human behavior. In every moment, we're operating from one of these two emotional states. But here's what fascinates me - we demonstrate which emotion is driving us not through grand gestures, but through small, everyday choices.
I call these "stand-up moments" - those brief windows where we must choose between being a bystander or an upstander when our values are challenged. Picture this: You're in a meeting when a colleague makes a subtly dismissive comment about another team member who isn't present. Your stomach tightens. You know it isn't right, but speaking up feels uncomfortable.
In that moment, fear whispers: "Stay quiet. Don't rock the boat. It's not your problem."
Love whispers back: "Speak up. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect. This is how cultures erode - through silence."
As Rollo May beautifully articulates:
"The word courage comes from the same stem as the French word couer, meaning 'heart.' Thus just as one's heart, by pumping blood to one's arms, legs, and brain enables all the other physical organs to function, so courage makes possible all the psychological virtues."
Here are three practical ways to build your "courage muscles" and become an upstander:
Name Your Values: Before you can stand up for what matters, you need absolute clarity on what matters to you. Write down your core values. Post them where you'll see them daily. When you witness behavior that violates these values, you'll feel it viscerally.
Start Small: Don't wait for the big moments. Practice speaking up in low-stakes situations. Challenge that inappropriate joke. Question that unfair process. Each small act of courage builds your capacity for larger ones.
Focus on Service: When fear arises, shift your focus from self-protection to service. Ask yourself: "Who needs my voice right now? What could my silence cost others?" This perspective shift often provides the emotional fuel needed to take action.
Remember - being an upstander isn't about being confrontational. It's about being constructively courageous. Sometimes it's as simple as saying, "I see things differently" or "Could you help me understand what you mean by that?"
The truth is, every time we choose to be an upstander rather than a bystander, we're choosing love over fear. We're choosing to believe that our voice matters, that positive change is possible, and that people are worth standing up for.
As May reminds us,
"Without courage, other values wither away into mere facsimiles of virtue."
Our values aren't what we claim they are - they're what we demonstrate through our actions, especially in those small, uncomfortable moments.
What stand-up moment are you facing today? Remember, courage isn't about being fearless - it's about feeling the fear and choosing love anyway. The world needs more upstanders. Will you be one of them?
